ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
