I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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