No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
