then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
