2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
