i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
