It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
