Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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