I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
