In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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