People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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