I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
