my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
