Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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