lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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