omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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