We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
