I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
