She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
