would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
