textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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