PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your cock deserves a montage
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
