I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
