I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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