hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
