is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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