right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
