Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
