omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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