he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
