So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
