Your tits are I can't wait for
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
