hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
