I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
