there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
