And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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