i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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