On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
