That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
