Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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