Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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