Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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