Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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