I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
