i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
