me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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