I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
