i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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