Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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