The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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