i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
