So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
